


Willful Blindness

by C_C



Category: due South
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2012-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 05:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_C/pseuds/C_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stella learns it's not enough to look, she needs to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Willful Blindness

I suppose I just never looked before.

The first sign should have been that despite the fact that he’d make an ass if himself in front of his entire squad, when we bump into each other in other public places, the grocery store, the movie theater lobby, he acts like an old friend. Happy to see me, sure, but a little distant as my life doesn’t really effect his anymore.

The second sign, for me at least, should have been that he was always surprised to see me when we did bump into each other. Sure at the movie theater that made sense, but when he was shopping at my regular market it had to be labeled odd.

His selections were so… out of character perhaps I dismissed it as a ruse. If I *had* paid attention to what he was buying maybe I wouldn’t have been as blind sided.

Sure I saw what he was buying, hell my mind even cataloged  it. I just missed the things that information was telling me.

The herbs, the fresh produce, the good bottle of wine were all telling me he had a date. More over that he was cooking for his date and Ray cooking is… seduction. The swaying hips, the bare feet, the happy murmuring, it’s a picture that defines sex appeal.

The tea, well I got that bit right, an odd Canadian blend was telling me the Mountie was taking his tea at Ray’s. Rather often if the frequency with which Ray was in the shop buying it was any indication.

The whole grain bread and jam (Ray only ever used jelly) should have made it clear to me that it was more than a date. Sure he was cooking a special meal but the rest were supplies for someone else inhabiting his kitchen.

And the fact that the toothpaste and shampoo weren’t his brand should have told me the same.

The third sign was like a blinking fucking neon arrow but I missed that too. He stopped noticing me at all. At the station it was most noticeable. Where he’d used to glance up, see me, and try to act like he hadn’t before now he truly didn’t notice. And there was something else telling in that. Most of the time he didn’t see me because his eyes were trained, unerringly on Fraser.

And of course seeing them sitting together, laughing, smiling, and so engrossed in each other the rest of the restaurant might have ceased to exist around them should have told me so much as well. But I suppose in the end it came down to willful blindness. For two decades Ray had been in love with me to a degree that was almost unbearable. It had been true so long I took it for granted that it always would be. So instead I noted it with an idle, ‘since when do they eat in *nice* places?’ And returned my attention to my date.

All thoughts of them had fled my mind by the time the movie started. Then in the midst of yet another ridiculously slow moving scene the two men in front of me leaned in and started making out. Which was infinitely more interesting, if you ask me. If nothing else it was sort of bold for two guys to just be going at it like that in the center of the theater on the busiest night of the week, in the biggest date movie of the season. Of course those thoughts didn’t interrupt the others at all. Thoughts like ‘the dark haired one’s attractive, if you like that male model type’ and ‘the blonde’s got cute hair, wonder if he’s got the looks to go with it.’

And suddenly while trying to get a look at the blonde I knew, with absolute certainty that yes, he was attractive, because that was Ray sitting in front of me, making out with the Mountie of all people.

And there I am gaping like a fish as it all slots neatly into place. I’m their cover. “Of course Kowalski’s not getting it on with the Mountie, he’s still carrying a torch for his ex-wife. It’s sad really.”

My outrage is palpable, and short lived. Because I know Ray. He doesn’t just make out like a teenager. He’d have to be in love. And if he’s in love with the Mountie of course they have to be careful. His cover to consider and all. As for the Mountie, who could resist being loved by Ray? It was such an… irresistible force. When he smiled just so, you *knew* no one else would ever love you so much. Too bad we had turned out to be such different people.

Damn Mountie better treat him right.


End file.
